Articles of the Month

The Meet

By Dee Jaye Clark, The Relationship Navigator

There you are at a social reception for the unveiling of the latest General Motors “it” car and you see her - the one who could be the “one.” Something about the style of her hair, the lilt in her smile, the curve of her . . . neck, beckons you to introduce yourself and make your presence known. And then, you take a wider view and note “her girls.” One of them is looking like she’d rather be anywhere but here, another sips nonchalantly on a drink scoping out all of the movers and shakers in the room, and the last one is bumping so hard in her seat to the music that she’s about to invent her own beat. You are not about to intrude on that party. Well, you think “I guess I’ll wait for the next one.”

Ladies, most men have experienced that scenario. Nothing will stop an approach by a potential suitor faster than seeing a group of women “blocking” his way. No, it is not a crime to be out with your girlfriends enjoying any activity. Yet, your goal is to meet a man to go out with sometimes too. Men have too much to risk in approaching a woman under these circumstances. The man has to consider if one of your girls will interrogate him, embarrass him, or speak for you.

I know, you say he should just work through that if he really wants to meet you – and yes, you are worth it. But still, most men aren’t going to push through that fortress and climb the tower to meet you. All is not lost. Here are two major tips to assist him in the approach:

When you go to any function with a group of friends, try always to take a stroll by yourself. Stroll to the bathroom, concession stand, buffet table, beverage area, or display tables by yourself. This will give men an opportunity to make your acquaintance.

Also be cognizant of where you sit at an event. Do not close yourself off by sitting behind a table lined up against the wall. A man will not break through that barrier.

While we’re on the subject, here are key ways to meet a potential paramour.
  • join a community organization that inspires you
  • go somewhere by yourself – remember most men will approach when you are alone. So go:
    • shopping
    • out to dinner
    • to the movies, play or concert – mingle during intermission
    • to a social gathering . . . by yourself and watch what happens!

If You Put Yourself Out There
Like An Alley Cat You Will Get Dogged

    I am fortunate to know a lot of good men who are desired by a lot of women. They are spiritually connected, handsome, in thriving and sustainable professions, mentally balanced, want to connect with a prospective wife, and have dynamic personalities. These men are absolutely amazing and I am fortunate to experience their talents in my life.

    The men are fine – it is the women who have some work to do. Of course, I am speaking in general, and not referring to all women or all men. So ladies, who see where I am going with this article – just be patient as I speak to your other sisters.

    Men – overall – have not changed when it comes to their ideal of what the word “lady” should exemplify. The bottom line is that “ladies” respect themselves and men appreciate this all important quality. Most men will only marry a lady. Case in point, Allen meets Claudia at an outdoor summer jazz concert. Claudia looks like everything Allen would like to have in his future mate. So he checks that box, he then denotes that Claudia is intelligent and enjoys her career – next box checked. She seems to be interested in him – checkmate!

    So Allen receives her telephone number, calls two days later, they have another very pleasant conversation and Claudia agrees to meet at a mid-distance point for lunch. They had such a spectacular time with each other that it led to dinner under the stars and Claudia invited Allen to her home to taste a homemade dessert.

    After serving the delicious treat, Allen has a chance to check off another box – “this lady can cook too!” As the melodies of jazz waft through the living room Claudia excuses herself and returns 15 minutes later in an outfit that solves the mystery in Allen’s mind. Is her body as firm and supple under the clothes as it appeared to be when she was wearing them?

    Originally, an intimate “get to know you” session was not a part of Allen’s plans, but hey, he could definitely work that into his schedule for the evening. Later, as he puts his shoes back on and heads out the door Allen, promises that he will call. And he did and experienced several more homemade desserts, but he never took Claudia out again beyond the quick corner hangout for a late night meal.

    Claudia began to realize that she only saw Allen “after.” After he worked out at the gym, after he came back from a concert, after he had dinner and wrote out his monthly bills. Claudia wanted to get married and thought that Allen had potential, but he eventually moved on and stopped calling.

    Allen initially thought Claudia might be a contender for his future, but bottom line, he’s thinking, “If she slept with me that quickly, how many others had so easily appreciated the homemade desserts? She is cool to ‘kick it’ with, but not marriage material.”

    Ladies, scripture says “you are a jewel of great price.” Treat yourselves that way.

    There are a lot of great men who are waiting for women to call them to a standard. Men do not use women. Women allow themselves to be used. If you are interested in getting married, then you have to put parameters on what you will allow to occur at different stages in a budding and growing relationship. Do not sell yourself short because if you put yourself out in the world like an alley cat, you will get dogged.

    The Approach

    Gentlemen, I’ve heard that the thought of approaching a desirable woman for most men is worse than the fear of public speaking. Some men sweat, get nervous or experience a dry mouth. Others may hear the blood pumping in their ears, or their brain goes blank trying to come up with a snappy opening line.

    Don’t say “Do you come here often?” She may say “no” and walk away. You are intelligent, so I’m not even going to insult you with the rest of the forbidden phrases that you already know you should not say. Let’s get right to a technique that I’ve imparted regularly to my male clients, a technique I know they are utilizing with great success.

    Scenario I
    You are walking down the street and see a gorgeous woman with great hair, gazing at a window display. Walk up to her and say, “I really like how your hair perfectly frames the shape of your face. My name is Bob. Have a great day,” and stroll away.

    Scenario II
    You are in the supermarket and see a woman with a stunning . . . ah . . . torso. Saunter over to her and say, “The color of your blouse is great with your skin tone.” My name is Joseph. Enjoy a good evening,” and stroll away.

    Scenario III
    You step into a coffee shop and notice a beautiful lady (with a fabulous derriere) by the stirrers reaching for a napkin. After you order your double latte, walk up to her and quietly say, “The style of your skirt is very flattering to your figure. My name is Ray. Have a good morning,” and confidently, walk away.


    1. Women know their assets, and may play up to them in hopes of getting a man’s attention. But she does not want you to crassly mention those attributes. She will appreciate creativity.
    2. Strolling away signifies that you are just paying her a compliment and you are not trying to “get her number.”
    3. Charm is developed, and one of the best ways to increase it is to practice without feeling that you have to “close” the deal.
    4. Most women are attractive, but some may not be your brand. If you have anxiety and using this technique sets your heart “a flutterin,” try it on someone who doesn’t get you tongue tied and build your confidence until you are ready to approach your type of woman.

    Next thing you know, one of those times when you’re about to stroll away, the lovely damsel will say, “Wait! Hi, my name is Janet, and you have a great smile.” Okay, you will have a follow-up line ready, right?